12
I got to Chicago and started to get adjusted.
Finding a place.
I was busy, but I was happy.
Ethan used to do these things for me.
But doing it all alone wasn’t so bad.
Ethan had messaged me twice.
First, when I landed, I saw his message. It was
short.
“So you just left? You’ve got guts, Liv.”
I didn’t know what to say. I replied, after thinking. “Yeah.”
<
Then, once was in the middle of the night.
I had been there for two weeks.
It was my birthday.
His message was long.
He had made a meal, and he had invited a lot
of people.
Someone complained that it was too spicy,
saying, “Dude, why’s everything so spicy?”
He hadn’t eaten any of it.
Then, he asked me. “How’s the food over
there? Is it bland? How’s your place? Is
anyone bothering you?”
く
I read it twice.
Then, I replied. “It’s good. No.”
Why was he doing this again?
He was going to make me think he liked me.
Two days later, I got a fever.
I went to the hospital alone, checked in and
got my IV.
I sat in the waiting room, watching everyone.
I thought back to two years ago, when I was
too busy, didn’t eat, and passed out from
exhaustion. I had been in the same place, and
someone had been there with me, I just
く
needed to sit, and he had taken care of
everything.
I was in the hospital for eight days, and he
had booked a private room, so I could get
some rest.
He watched over me, worried and sleepless.
He didn’t like me.
I started to cry.
How did it get to this point?
Even when I had thought I had moved on, I
still got stuck in the past.
That was the kind of person I was. I was
sensitive, and insecure. I was a coward.
<
But now, I needed to face all this, and leave it
all behind.
I was at the hospital for a few days.
I didn’t think about Ethan.
On my last day, I saw someone rushing over.
He had seen me.
He rushed to my side. “I heard you weren’t
feeling well. How are you doing? Are you still
hurting?”
I was frozen for a moment. Then, I
remembered something, and laughed a little.
“I’m fine.
“Hey, Ethan, do you remember you asked me
a question?”
He looked at me, nervous. “What? Tell me. I
have something to tell you too.”
I said, “Okay, I’ll go first.”
I repeated the question.
Then, I said, “You were right.
“I’m only twenty–five. I haven’t met that many
people. Someone will be better for me than
you.”
Then, I wouldn’t have to pretend to be just a
friend.
I will no longer have to hide my feelings.
In the quiet of the night, with a restless heart.
Someone will hear.
