After the summer solstice
Chapter 1
I chased after Kevin for five freakin‘ years,
and he finally said yes to getting hitched.
Two months before the wedding, I got into a
car wreck.
I called him three times, but he hung up on
me every time.
Apparently, his “protégé,” that little twit Tiffany, had suggested he give me the cold
shoulder so I wouldn’t be so clingy.
I crawled out of that ravine, banged up all to
hell, and my right hand was basically
shattered.
L
That’s when it finally hit me: some things just
ain’t meant to be.
Then, get this, he started camping out on my
doorstep, all red–eyed, saying he needed five
years from me too.
I got rushed to the hospital looking like
something the cat dragged in, clothes torn,
body bruised and scratched.
The doc sighed, giving me that “I’ve seen it
all” look.
He said if I’d gotten there a few hours earlier,
maybe they could’ve saved my hand.
A few hours earlier.
<
I just stared blankly at the ceiling, listening to
the death knell for my art career.
My right hand was busted into a million
pieces; chances of a full recovery were slim
to none.
I probably wouldn’t be painting again, ever.
Tears streamed down my face.
The feeling of hopelessness just washed over
- me.
Why couldn’t I just let go?
What was he doing right now?
Maybe he popped open a bottle of fancy wine
last night, celebrating a night without me
L
Or maybe he was jamming with Tiffany, lost
in their own little musical world.
I let out a hollow laugh.
At least I wouldn’t be standing in their way
anymore.
My phone buzzed; it was Kevin.
I slowly closed my eyes.
Time to learn my lesson.
Kevin burst into my room, his clothes pressed
perfectly.
He frowned at me, acting like some kind of
almighty judge, and snarled, “What stunt are
you pulling now? Why didn’t you answer your
<
“You get yourself all messed up just ‘cause I
didn’t pick up yesterday? I told you I was
busy; can’t you get a clue?”
His words were like twisting the knife in my
wounds all over again.
That dead feeling in my heart suddenly
exploded with pain again.
He was throwing down the verdict without
even asking what happened.
Even lying there, messed up, wasn’t enough
to get him to care even a little.
After five years, one sentence from him could
still tear me apart.
く
I looked at him, desperate and broken, tears
welling up in my eyes.
The sterile white walls seemed to amplify his
coldness.
The smell of disinfectant mocked my pathetic
attempt to get through to him.
He probably hadn’t seen me like this before,
because he looked uneasy.
“Just get some rest,” he said.
“Remember the national art design.
competition next week; you need to
participate. Gotta get back to practicing.”
Then, as if it were an afterthought, he said,
<
“This piano competition is super important to
me, so don’t bother me for a while.”
And with that, he was gone, not even
bothering to ask about how badly I was hurt.
That was it. That was the guy I’d been
chasing for half a decade.
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
I had been so naive.
I thought my sincerity and enthusiasm had
actually made him notice me.
The piano competition was important to him.
Tiffany was important to him. His friends
were important to him.
<
So what was I?
I used to believe that hard work paid off, like
with my art.
But reality just smacked me in the face.
Not everything you stick with is going to have
a happy ending.
My love was worthless to him, so why did he
say yes to getting married?
Why did he give me false hope?
The sun went down, and I curled up in the
bed, shivering, like I was back in that car, all
alone in the dark, knocked out for who knows
how long, thinking I was going to die.
<
Before I passed out, I made one phone call.
He was the first person I thought of.
But I was stuck overnight and couldn’t get
any help.
Maybe I was wrong from the jump.
Maybe I was forcing it, like with my art, like it
was never meant to be.
After five days of treatment, I was starting to
heal, everywhere but my hand.
The doctor suggested getting treatment
overseas, but I let out a bitter laugh.
Yeah, right, like I had that kind of money.
く
I walked out of the hospital, back to my
crummy apartment.
The tiny room was overflowing with paintings.
Ever since I fell head over heels for him at my
graduation party five years ago, my paintings
have all been about him.
The whole damn place was filled with him; I’d
been living in his world for years, completely
losing myself.
The overwhelming emotions left me feeling
choked, I looked at the painting filled with his
presence, and screamed, my emotions letting
loose at that moment.
I tore the papers in a haphazard way, and
<
stepped on them, tearing them up in a frenzy,
venting my emotions.
I sat on the floor and cried out loud, ruined,
everything was ruined.
There was still one, my favorite one, framed
on the wall, but I forgot about it, the first time
I saw Kevin, I shook my hands to touch it, but
it felt like an electric shock.
My face covered with tears, frozen in place.
I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was.
Three days later, Kevin found me at the art
exhibition, and he questioned me angrily, the
flames were burning in his eyes.
“Why didn’t you participate, don’t you know
<
you were the most hopeful one to win, do you
know how important this competition is? If
you’re going to act childish, pick the right
place.”
The string of questions hit my already numb
heart.
I had a lot of things I wanted to ask him, but
turned into one sentence: “Oh,
congratulations on winning the
championship.”
Kevin eased up a bit.
“Turns out you watched the match, how come
I didn’t see you there that day, leaving so
early, and didn’t wait for me.”
I haven’t been, I guessed, with his ability to
く
I pointed to the painting in the room, and said
softly, “Look at these paintings, are they
beautiful?”
My eyes were full of pity, this exhibition will
probably be the last time to take my past
paintings out, I quietly watched the crowds of
people coming and going, they would stay in
front of a painting from time to time, praising
the art of the author.
There’s also one of my paintings in here.
Kevin rubbed his temples and grabbed my
hand.
“Xia Zhi, I was a bit busy the other day, and
ignored you, but you know that this
competition is very important to me, you
dress up and attend the party with mo
<
dress up and attend the party with me
tonight.”
“No time.”
I looked at him calmly: “Qi Yun, let’s break
up.”
He laughed, as if he heard a joke: “Break
up?”
Then he said gently: “Xia Zhi, be good, after
the end of tonight, I will be with you.”
I tilted my head and thought about it: “No, we
broke up.”
He stepped forward, wanting to hug me
gently in his arms like countless times.
<
But I pushed him away at the moment he
touched me and burst into a sharp scream.
The whole place was attracted by my voice.
The balance I barely maintained was torn
apart so suddenly.
I hugged my head and squatted in place, the
intense emotions rushed through my brain
again, resentment, unwillingness, pain,
disappointment, despair, all the efforts and
pursuits of the first half of my life turned into
a bubble overnight.
But I clearly had a chance to be saved, if it
was a few hours earlier, if he answered the
phone, if he could patiently listen to me finish
a sentence.
L
He was stunned for a moment, standing there
blankly, not daring to step forward.
“Xia Zhi, it’s me, it’s me. What’s wrong?” He
was at a loss like a child, and didn’t know
what happened.
It took me a lot of effort to control my
emotions, and slowly walked out of the hall,
Kevin chased after me, I turned my back to
him and said: “I want to be quiet.”
Back home, I sat in the studio alone,
sometimes wanting to laugh, sometimes
wanting to cry.
I thought I was indifferent, but when I saw
Kevin, a strong sense of grievance swept my
whole body.
く
The room was brightly lit, I have been
sleeping with the lights on during this time, as
soon as it gets dark, I can’t help but think of
that dark night, the severe pain swept through
my body, I tried to grab the life–saving straw
but ruined my art career.
I was resentful of Kevin in my heart, but
reason told me that he had no obligation to
save me, and I shouldn’t blame him.
But I can’t control it, he is my boyfriend, we
agreed to get married, even if he gives me a
few more seconds, let me say a word, instead
of saying he is busy and hanging up my
phone.
Or that night he could have called me when I
didn’t return all night, and found out that
く
I have never been out all night before.
He also knew where I was going, I told him, I
really told him.
The painting paper all over the floor seemed
to be mocking my stupidity, and my
persistence was like a joke.
When I was a child, I learned painting, no one
supported me, so I went alone, and I can be
considered a little famous now.
But God seemed to be playing a joke on me,
telling me nakedly that these achievements
and happiness were temporarily given to me,
and now it’s time to take them back.
I threw all the painting supplies into the trash.
can, put the paintings in a bag, and prepared
く
In the middle of the night, I received a
message from my friend that Kevin
announced our marriage at the dinner.
He probably doesn’t know my situation yet.
How can someone who can no longer paint
participate in the competition?
He was celebrating his success at the
banquet, and by the way announced his
marriage, but did not announce the name of
the bride. Everyone blessed him, and their
eyes subtly gathered on Bai Weiwei, a golden
couple beside him, how well matched.
I was lying in my cramped rental room, the
ruins all over the place, the absurdity all over
the paper.
く
The next day, their names and videos
appeared on the hot search.
Piano genius Qi Yun announced that his
marriage to his teacher’s daughter, Bai
Weiwei, is imminent.
