No worries this year
Chapter 1
I was seven when my dad brought her home, told me I had to treat her like my own sister.
Later, I figured out she was the kid of some woman he used to be hung up on, who’d passed away.
After that day, his eyes never really landed on
- me.
Carrie, that was her name, was always sick, so Dad spent most of his time at the hospital.
<
Even when Mom died, he couldn’t make it
back to say goodbye.
He apologized to me, “If you’re mad, be mad
at me, okay? Don’t take it out on Carrie, she’s
not well.”
Normally, I would have gone ballistic.
This time, I just gave them both a look, Carrie
and my dad, and said, “Just so long as
Carrie’s okay.”
1
Mom’s funeral was over, and Dad was a
mess, crying so hard a bunch of people had
<
to drag him up.
Back home, he just sat there, staring at this
beat–up old box like he was hypnotized.
It was the first gift he ever gave Mom, and
she never had the heart to toss it.
He saw me come in, and practically tripped
over himself getting to me, “Did your
mom…did she say anything to me before she
went?”
I glanced over at Carrie, standing behind him,
looking all scared and fragile, and shook my
head. “Mom was in too much pain, she
couldn’t really talk.”
く
Dad noticed where I was looking, and kinda
shifted, putting himself between me and
Carrie, like he was protecting her.
Even then, he didn’t look sure enough, and added, “I’m sorry, Jess, this is all my fault. If you’re mad, be mad at me, okay? Just don’t take it out on Carrie, she’s not well.”
He had a couple of faint scratches on his arm, where I’d gotten him.
I had a rep for being a bad kid who wouldn’t listen to her parents, always mouthing off,
and sometimes going as far as pushing them around.
<
And my dad? Everyone knew him as Mr. Nice
Guy, gentle, caring, never raised his voice.
All eyes were on me, telling me to go for it, like usual, grab whatever was handy and throw it at them.
But this time, I just felt…tired.
I finally understood why Mom had told me, before she died, to stop with the drama, that it would just wear me down.
She was already beat after all these years, and didn’t want the same for me.
She wanted me to get out, leave this place,
<
leave that family.
“Just so long as Carrie’s okay.”
Dad’s eyes widened, like he couldn’t believe
what he was hearing.
I grabbed Mom’s picture, turned around, went
into my room, and slammed the door.
These past few years, all the money had gone
to Carrie’s treatments, the house was sold,
the car was sold, and now we were living in a
rental my uncle was paying for.
Carrie was just about all healed up, and my mom died because we didn’t have the cash to
<
get her the treatment she needed.
That afternoon, I went out and got rid of my
bright red hair, dyed it black, and slicked
back my bangs.
Wandered around for a while, not knowing
where to go, and ended up at the cemetery.
I wanted Mom to see that I’d finally gotten my
act together.
When I got back, Dad was cooking, and
Carrie was helping him, chopping and dicing,
and they were laughing about something.
Carrie even posted on Insta: “I have the best
L
dad in the world!”
Picture was a cute new dress.
I quickly hit the Like button, and the post was
deleted right after.
Carrie gave me this look, all pale and freaked
out.
Dad rushed over, trying to explain, “She, uh,
she couldn’t wear dresses before ‘cause she
was sick, she was just…remembering what it
was like to be able to, that’s all. Please don’t
be mad.”
“It’s cute, whatever.”
く
They exchanged looks, confused.
I sat down at the table. “What’s for dinner?”
Carrie hurried to bring the dishes over,
surprised. “Jess, you dyed your hair back?”
Dad noticed it then, too. “Why the change,
honey?”
I just shrugged. “School doesn’t exactly
encourage bright red hair.
Before, I’d always done the opposite of whatever Carrie did. She wore white, I wore black. She was all sweet and obedient, I was a wild child.
<
I wanted to be different from her, hoping Dad
would see me, get mad at me, yell at me, or
something.
Before Carrie showed up, he’d put so much
effort into raising me, giving me everything he
could.
But nothing. He never even seemed to notice.
His eyes were always on Carrie, so I started
messing with Carrie, putting ashes in her
water glass, spilling soup on her white
clothes.
Finally, Dad snapped and hit me for the first
time.
<
Mom went off on him about it, and Carrie got
so upset that she had some kind of attack,
and Dad took Carrie away for months.
Finally, my uncle stepped in and got them to
work things out, and Dad came back, but only after Mom apologized.
That night, I got up for a glass of water and
saw Dad was still up.
He was sitting on the couch, patching up
Carrie’s school uniform.
“Jess? Up for a drink?”
“Yeah.”
<
He held up the uniform, looking awkward. “I’ll
fix Carrie’s, then I’ll do yours.”
“I already did it.”
His eyes got wide, staring at me.
Before, I would have just thrown the clothes
at his head, demanding he fix them, ripping
them if they weren’t already.
Anything Carrie had, I had to have, too.
I thought if I made a scene, I’d get what I
wanted.
Now, I didn’t care.
く
I grabbed my water and went back to my
room to study.
I had promised Mom I’d go to college..
ニー
2
I’d fallen behind so much, the teachers had
basically given up on me.
Luckily, I called my English teacher and asked
what the homework was, and she was nice
enough to tell me, and suggested I pick up
some workbooks and start with the basics.
The next day at school, everyone was surprised by the new me.
<
My teacher nodded. “See? You look so much
better. Before, you looked like a hoodlum,
what was attractive about that?”
I stood up, bowed to the teacher. “I apologize
for causing trouble for all of you. I’ll study
hard from now on.”
If Mom hadn’t gone to the school so many times, begging the teachers and principal to give me another chance, I probably would have been expelled a long time ago.
I did all that to get Dad to notice me, and it
only ended up hurting Mom. He never even came to the school once.
<
A lot of the kids thought I was being raised by
a single parent, and the teachers even went
to my house, wanting to help me.
And they ended up feeling sorry for me,
seeing I was sisters with honor–roll student
Carrie, and sighed, “Raised in the same
house, how could two girls be so different?”
Dad would pull Carrie close, and they would
offer the teacher a drink, fawning, “Carrie
isn’t well, so please take care of her at
school!”
Mom and I just stood there in silence.
Mom left me some money, what she’d saved
<
up for my college fund.
I signed up for online courses, studied like
crazy for a month, and finally started pulling
my grades up.
Carrie’s birthday was coming up, her 18th. Dad wanted to throw her a big party.
Of course, we were broke, so he was cooking, and Carrie was inviting her friends over.
We still had Mom’s picture hanging up on the wall, too.
The kitchen was full of all the stuff Dad was preparing, all Carrie’s favorite foods.
<
“Carrie can’t eat spicy food,” he said when he
saw me chopping jalapenos.
I ignored him and kept chopping.
Suddenly, he came over, grabbed my hand,
and snatched the knife away. “I told you,
Carrie can’t eat spicy food. She just got
better. What do you want to do, huh?”
He wasn’t satisfied with just yelling. He then
gave me a speech: “It’s your sister’s 18th
birthday today, can we please not fight? Can
you please let her have a good time? Please,
I’m begging you.”
And what about my 18th birthday?
<
I spent my 18th birthday with Mom in the
hospital.
He didn’t even wish me a happy birthday, and
only remembered it the next day, when he
saw the bag for my cake.
“Jess!” Carrie screamed. “Your hand!”
I looked down and saw blood gushing from
my palm.
My palm had been cut, not very deep but still
bled a lot.
Dad looked startled and quickly put the knife
down.
く
“Jess, I didn’t mean to,” he stammered,
cautiously looking at my face. “I’ll take you to
the hospital to get it patched up.”
I pushed him away. “It’s Carrie’s birthday
today.”
He paused.
“I’ll be fine. It’s not serious.”
With that, I grabbed my phone and ID and left
the house.
I didn’t see Dad looking at me, whispering,
“Has Jess changed?”
