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白米717%會
Q A
After that, I started noticing Lucas more. He’d park his car and watch me from a distance, never approaching or saying a word. Maybe it was pride, maybe a sense of loss. I didn’t feel much at all, though. When I caught sight of him, I looked away like he was any other stranger.
One Sunday, I opened the door to find Evan standing there with a huge photo album, wriggling past me before I could stop him.
“Look, Mom!” He patted the seat beside him, opening the album to a picture of me pregnant with him. “See, that’s me inside you. And here’s me right after I was born. Nana said I was the cutest baby in the whole hospital!”
He was hoping the memories would bring back my motherly affection. But as I looked at those photos, all I felt was sadness for myself back then. I was thin, exhausted, with sunken eyes and dry hair from all those months of nausea and nights when Evan would kick at the worst times.
“Selfish,” I muttered.
“Huh? What do you mean?” he asked, a little puzzled.
“All you ever cared about was yourself. You never understood the pain of carrying you for nine months.”
Evan looked stunned. I closed the album. “Take it with you. These only remind me of things I’d rather not remember.”
He tried refusing to leave, but I finally called his father’s housekeeper to pick him up.
23:12 Fri, Oct 18
♡ to
A few days later, he returned, this time with a cracked ceramic plate I’d made him in a pottery class. “Mom, remember when you made this for me? You spent the whole day on it!”
“Then why is it broken?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
He muttered something, but I remembered. He had broken it out of embarrassment, calling it ugly and refusing to take it to school. The shattered ceramic had cut my hand, leaving a thin scar. Lucas had bought him a custom piece afterward, one he proudly displayed at school. This one, I had glued back together on my own. But a broken thing never mends right.
“This is just scrap now.” I tossed it into the trash, watching it shatter
further.
“But… aren’t you remembering me now, Mom?” he asked, eyes wide with
sudden hope.
“No, Evan. I never forgot you–I just don’t want to remember anything about you or Lucas.”
I closed the door, letting him walk away with a dazed expression.
23:12 Fri, Oct 18
