“She can’t compare to you.”
“Even if that little monster inside her had
lived, all it would be good for is shining our
kid’s shoes.”
<
I’d heard those kinds of things a million times.
Every time, it hurt.
I always asked Brandon, “This is your baby
too!”
“Why would you say that?”
Brandon would just stare at me, making me
feel crazy.
I felt numb.
Maybe it was from losing the baby.
The cool air from the window made me
shiver.
“Dronden
Jon
Jess th
く
“Brandon, can you close the window?”
“I’m really cold.”
“The doctor said I need to rest and keep
warm, okay?”
“Please.”
My voice was hoarse.
4
I sounded distant.
The doctors had told me that after my last
losses.
Brandon’s face was cold.
His words cut like a knife.
“You didn’t have a baby.”
“You just lost a fetus, okay?”
“No maternity rest for you.”
“You just want to slack off and not take care
of my mom at the house, right?”
Brandon started to leave.
He’d been here for half an hour.
He was already tired of it.
Before he left, he opened all the windows.
“Oh, you can’t get cold?”
く
“I want to see what happens if you do.”
I listened.
I stayed quiet.
I was alone with Brandon’s hate, just like the
last five years.
I was tired.
I couldn’t keep carrying the blame for his
grandma’s death.
I couldn’t be the punching bag for his family.
Five years ago, it felt like a fairytale when me
and Brandon got together.
く
It felt right.
I was in love.
Brandon took me home to meet his family.
The family was old money.
All his ancestors had married for business.
Except for Brandon.
He didn’t want to.
No one in his family liked me.
Except for his grandma.
She was in her nineties.
She was getting weaker.
She was on a wheelchair.
She was the only one in the family who
supported me and Brandon.
She liked me a lot.
She made Brandon bring me to the house to
visit.
She’d raised Brandon.
She’d tell me stories about when he was a
little kid.
But the stories always made her sad.
Г
I learned that before she married, she had
someone she loved.
It just wasn’t meant to be.
Eventually, she couldn’t talk anymore.
But she still let Brandon marry me.
The wedding was about to happen.
Me and Brandon took his grandma for a walk.
We were going down a hill in the park.
She wrote that she was thirsty.
Brandon ran to get some water.
I stayed with her.
She thought she saw someone she knew.
She got really excited.
I looked around, but I didn’t see anyone.
“Sarah!”
Brandon called out.
I turned around.
The wheelchair rolled down the hill.
My mistake caused a tragedy.
Brandon still married me after the funeral.
But it wasn’t because he loved me.
It was because he hated me.
“You’re stuck with my family.”
“You can suffer and pay for what you did,
okay?”
Everyone in the family took their anger out on
- me.
Brandon met Tiffany at a bar.
They hit it off.
I watched myself sink deeper into my family’s
trap.
I lost four kids.
<
And now…
“Miss, I’m a doctor.”
“I have to tell you something.”
“Normally, you shouldn’t get pregnant for two
years after a miscarriage.”
“But you’ve lost four babies in five years.”
“Your body and your uterus are really
damaged.
“It might be hard for you to get pregnant
again.”
The doctor was gentle.
I knew what she meant.
く
I nodded quietly.
I didn’t say anything.
“Do you want me to tell Brandon?”
This was Brandon’s private hospital.
Even though me and his family didn’t get
along, they still respected me as his wife.
Everyone knew his wife wasn’t loved by his
husband or his in–laws.
But they still were polite.
I smiled.
“No, don’t tell him.
L
Right after I said that, Brandon called.
He was still lazy, and he sounded mean.
“You dead yet?”
“If you’re not, come to the house.”
“Me and Tiffany are out of condoms.”
“I don’t like the other brands.”
“You know what I like, right?”
“Bring them over.”
“I’ll text you the address.”
He hung up before I could answer.
The address popped up on my phone.
Before, I would’ve felt guilty and ashamed.
I would have obeyed.
I would have done whatever Brandon asked.
I would have done anything to make him hate
me less.
But now, I was numb.
I calmly ordered delivery through the app.
My best friend brought me soup.
She choked up and tucked me in.
く
“Sarah, does it have to be Brandon?”
“This is your fourth miscarriage.”
“What else does he want?”
“What does he have to do to let you go?”
“Does he want to keep hurting you until
you’re empty inside?”
I wiped my eyes and smiled at her.
She’d been crying since she walked in.
“Don’t worry.”
“He can’t hurt me anymore.”
99
I didn’t personally deliver the condoms to the
く
house.
Brandon got angry.
He cancelled my credit cards.
He made the doctors kick me out of the
hospital.
I packed my stuff and went back to the family
house.
The servants looked at me with disgust.
“Look, the jinx is back.”
“Look, her belly is empty again.”
“This is too funny!”
<
“Yeah, how many times has this happened?
I’d be too ashamed to show my face around
here. I’d go back home and hide.”
“That’s because we’re just the help. She’s
got no shame.”
“How else could she still be a rich wife?”
I walked through the lobby.
I didn’t care about what they said anymore.
I picked a bad time to visit.
Brandon was meeting his mom with Tiffany.
She saw me and slammed her teacup down.
Her voice was sharp.
く
“Sarah, get over here and kneel in front of
your grandma!”
I stopped.
I always felt guilty about his grandma.
I turned around and walked to the altar.
Brandon’s mom was angry.
She didn’t give me a cushion.
The floor was cold.
My knees hurt.
I wasn’t healed yet.
When the ruler hit my back, my stomach
<
ached.
