- 6.
The New Year was over. Soon it was Polly’s
wedding day.
<
My parents planned a big celebration, inviting
a lot of people. The hotel lobby was packed.
The relatives gathered, offering
congratulations, and then casually comparing
their children.
“Heard the son–in–law works for a tech
company. He must be pulling in over 20 grand
a month. Polly sure knows how to pick them.”
“Honey, that big gold bracelet of yours must-
have been from your son–in–law?”
Many people looked at it with envy.
My mom touched the bracelet, slightly
bewildered, embarrassed.
I was the one who bought that bracelet.
<
For last year’s Mother’s Day, I followed my
therapist’s advice, actively trying to fix my
relationship with my mom.
I bought her that bracelet, hoping she would
be happy.
But she took it while complaining about how I
spent money recklessly, without showing even.
a bit of joy.
A relative said, “Out of all our kids, your
eldest daughter, Jenny, is the most
successful. She’s working with the
government, she’s hardworking and capable.
You’re so lucky, honey!”
My mom gripped the bracelet tighter, her
gaze unfocused.
く
It seemed she had finally thought of me.
Polly suddenly said, her face full of sadness,
Jenny is very successful, but she doesn’t
come home. She didn’t even come home for
the holidays, nor for my wedding…‘
She trailed off, looking very hurt.
My mom’s expression turned cold. She took
the bracelet off and put it in her purse.
“Let’s not talk about that unfilial one. Today
is a good day, let’s all enjoy ourselves.”
Polly, as she was sipping her wine, subtly
curled her lips.
See? She always found a way to destroy even
a glimpse of good impression I was able to
L
When I was a kid, my mom wasn’t as horrible
to me as she later became.
After all, I had been growing inside her belly
for ten months, her own flesh and blood.
I remember one birthday, my mom said she
had a gift for me.
I was so excited all day.
She finally brought out a little dress, smiling.
“So, what do you think, do you like it?”
It was a pretty pink pleated skirt. What little
girl wouldn’t love it?
Polly had so many. Now I finally had one too.
I was so happy, I couldn’t let go of the skirt, I
く
was running around in the room.
“Thank you, Mom! I love you!”
I was so excited.
Mom was tearing up, and touched my cheek.
“You’re a good girl, Jenny, I’ll get you another
one for your next birthday.”
I nodded, my face all flushed with happiness.
And then Polly came over and said quietly,
“Jenny is so lucky, if the other sister was still
alive, would she have ever received a pretty
dress?”
Mom’s eyes changed immediately, from full
of love to icy hatred.
<
She snatched the skirt, grabbed some
scissors and ripped it to shreds.
“Your sister died and you are still wearing
new clothes, why do you deserve this?”
The strips of fabric fell to the floor. I cried out
in pain.
“No, Mom, no, please stop!”
But she wouldn’t listen.
The skirt was cut to ribbons, and thrown at
my face.
I held it tight, like I was holding my broken
self.
Polly walked to me, smirking with malice.
く
My eyes filled with tears and I asked her why
she did that to me.
She just ate her lollipop and said, “Because I
don’t like you. I don’t want anyone in the
family to like you either.”
“Mom and dad, and my brother too, their love,
I don’t want you to have it at all!”
And so they stopped taking me out, stopped
giving me presents, and they even cut me out
of family photos.
As she wanted, I never got any love from my
family.
I had asked questions like a crazy person, and
then sobbed alone at night.
<
I had tried so hard to please them, forced a
smile, running around like a servant.
I was hoping they would notice me, even a
little.
But I kept being ignored.
I struggled in the abyss of not being loved.
There was no one I could depend on.
